Tonight, Nancy Wells shared with us about bitterness and forgiveness. Does anyone have any questions or comments about the subject, or anything that came to mind for you during the lecture? If so, tell us!
Great class last night! It has really made me think of things I have not thought about in a long time. One specific question I do have is: For gray areas, how do I know when I need to forgive a person? For example, at work, someone sends an email with bogus information on it to a dozen people. They know the data is wrong, but they want to appear knowledgeable. I am the only person who knows it is wrong. I do try to politely correct the information. But now I am angry at the person for doing what I consider unprofessional. I am not necessarily hurt by it, but it leaves me aggravated..so much so I am still thinking about it now :) As I write this, I think I know the answer, but would love feedback anyway. Thanks!
In response to Lori's question - I would say when it doubt, shout it out! (Couldn't resist trying to rhyme :)) Sincerely though, I just think what can it hurt to do so? I say it is better to error on the side of confessing too much than too little. If something comes to mind, write it down and pray through it. The Lord is pleased with your willing heart, and knows you are striving to be obedient. It can only bring you greater freedom and peace.
As a side note: As you make this list, just ask God to bring people/situations to mind. If only three people come to mind, then write those three down. Don't put pressure on yourself to go digging and make some extensive list. It is the Holy Spirit's job to show us where there is unforgiveness, and our job to listen and obey.
Well, first, I think it makes a difference if you are seeking forgiveness from someone who you know you've hurt, or if you're the one trying to forgive someone. If you are seeking forgiveness for an offense you've committed against someone, yes, please send the letter (or pick up the phone or schedule a time to meet). Especially if this someone has been seeking your forgiveness and you've not been able to forgive until now, yes, let them know they are forgiven! (And as a side note, just because forgiveness happens, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship will be or has to be resumed. Sometimes it might be better if it's not.)
Now, if you are trying to forgive someone who has wounded you, and who has NOT sought out your forgiveness, I agree that it's not always the right thing to send a forgiveness letter.
I'm afraid there is not a cookie cutter answer to that one. Each case needs to be submitted to God for his direction (and submitted to others counsel). The Lord may say yes to one situation, and no to another. We need to examine our motives and let the Lord examine our heart. Jeremiah 17:9 says " The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind." We definitely need God to reveal our own motives to us!
Particularly if the person has no idea you are holding unforgiveness toward them (or doesn't care that you are!), that's a great place to submit this to the Lord.
An important thing to remember is that forgiveness is about you, way more than it is about the other person. If not done in humility, telling someone "I forgive you for that thing you did to me" may come across prideful (and there could be pride in your heart).
No matter what, though, if you feel a green light from God and WISE counsel to send the letter, you first must start your letter by confessing your own sin, which is that you've held un-forgiveness against them. **Your own repentance is always the first step.***
We like to say around our house, "when in doubt, repent!"
Repentance and humility will draw us to the Lord, which is really what we're after. Isaiah 30 - In repentance and rest is your salvation Ps 51 - a broken and contrite heart, Oh God, you will not despise. James 4 - God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
So, bottom line, pressing into God about sending a particular letter, or having a certain talk, is the way to go. There's no substitute for seeking Him in all things. And always proceed in repentance and humility.
Lori, if there is a gray area, as the one you mentioned, yes, forgive, release and bless. I don't think you need to tell this person that you've done so, just release them. You said "they want to appear knowledgeable." It sounds like they are just insecure and have a "need to be great" (we'll get into this more during Unloving). For those people, I don't get aggravated as much as I feel compassion for them because they are seeking affirmation and attention through counterfeit means. It feels sad to me b/c they have a hole in their heart that they don't even know about. Feeling compassion keeps me from feeling annoyed and allows me to extend grace to them.
- Dora
p.s Didi is an online nickname my hubby gave me. So, "code" for Dora. haha
Great job Nancy. I love the mini teaching on worship upfront. Sweetness.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know some opinions on sending that forgiveness letter. When should you send it and when should you just burn it?
Great class last night! It has really made me think of things I have not thought about in a long time. One specific question I do have is: For gray areas, how do I know when I need to forgive a person? For example, at work, someone sends an email with bogus information on it to a dozen people. They know the data is wrong, but they want to appear knowledgeable. I am the only person who knows it is wrong. I do try to politely correct the information. But now I am angry at the person for doing what I consider unprofessional. I am not necessarily hurt by it, but it leaves me aggravated..so much so I am still thinking about it now :)
ReplyDeleteAs I write this, I think I know the answer, but would love feedback anyway.
Thanks!
In response to Lori's question -
ReplyDeleteI would say when it doubt, shout it out! (Couldn't resist trying to rhyme :)) Sincerely though, I just think what can it hurt to do so? I say it is better to error on the side of confessing too much than too little. If something comes to mind, write it down and pray through it. The Lord is pleased with your willing heart, and knows you are striving to be obedient. It can only bring you greater freedom and peace.
As a side note: As you make this list, just ask God to bring people/situations to mind. If only three people come to mind, then write those three down. Don't put pressure on yourself to go digging and make some extensive list. It is the Holy Spirit's job to show us where there is unforgiveness, and our job to listen and obey.
Thanks for posting!
This is a response to Rachel's question.
ReplyDeleteWell, first, I think it makes a difference if you are seeking forgiveness from someone who you know you've hurt, or if you're the one trying to forgive someone.
If you are seeking forgiveness for an offense you've committed against someone, yes, please send the letter (or pick up the phone or schedule a time to meet).
Especially if this someone has been seeking your forgiveness and you've not been able to forgive until now, yes, let them know they are forgiven!
(And as a side note, just because forgiveness happens, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship will be or has to be resumed. Sometimes it might be better if it's not.)
Now, if you are trying to forgive someone who has wounded you, and who has NOT sought out your forgiveness, I agree that it's not always the right thing to send a forgiveness letter.
I'm afraid there is not a cookie cutter answer to that one. Each case needs to be submitted to God for his direction (and submitted to others counsel). The Lord may say yes to one situation, and no to another. We need to examine our motives and let the Lord examine our heart. Jeremiah 17:9 says " The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind." We definitely need God to reveal our own motives to us!
Particularly if the person has no idea you are holding unforgiveness toward them (or doesn't care that you are!), that's a great place to submit this to the Lord.
An important thing to remember is that forgiveness is about you, way more than it is about the other person. If not done in humility, telling someone "I forgive you for that thing you did to me" may come across prideful (and there could be pride in your heart).
No matter what, though, if you feel a green light from God and WISE counsel to send the letter, you first must start your letter by confessing your own sin, which is that you've held un-forgiveness against them.
**Your own repentance is always the first step.***
We like to say around our house, "when in doubt, repent!"
Repentance and humility will draw us to the Lord, which is really what we're after.
Isaiah 30 - In repentance and rest is your salvation
Ps 51 - a broken and contrite heart, Oh God, you will not despise. James 4 - God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.
So, bottom line, pressing into God about sending a particular letter, or having a certain talk, is the way to go. There's no substitute for seeking Him in all things. And always proceed in repentance and humility.
Hope that helps!
Lori, if there is a gray area, as the one you mentioned, yes, forgive, release and bless. I don't think you need to tell this person that you've done so, just release them.
ReplyDeleteYou said "they want to appear knowledgeable." It sounds like they are just insecure and have a "need to be great" (we'll get into this more during Unloving). For those people, I don't get aggravated as much as I feel compassion for them because they are seeking affirmation and attention through counterfeit means. It feels sad to me b/c they have a hole in their heart that they don't even know about. Feeling compassion keeps me from feeling annoyed and allows me to extend grace to them.
- Dora
p.s Didi is an online nickname my hubby gave me. So, "code" for Dora. haha
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete