A Word To The Wives

Hi all. Don't know if anybody's still coming to this page since your class is over, but if you ARE, then what's up? It's Steven Manuel here.

Dora's told me that several of you have had questions regarding your husbands. The questions tend to go something like this: "Now that I'm kind of 'getting' healing and deliverance and casting out demons like they're last week's meatloaf, I feel a little weird about the fact that my husband is comparatively ignorant on the subject. How do I submit to him when *I'M* the one in the know?"

That's a fair question. Dora and I have known several women who were in this position: they were zealous in the LORD and their husbands were either disinterested or just felt they could never "catch up" to their wives. Women have even avoided deliverance because they didn't want to "get ahead" of their husbands! (This is a DUMB MOVE. Get saved, healed, and delivered, ladies--and worry about the fallout later.)

Before I answer the question, I want to tell you about Anne Hawes, a woman I knew in my church growing up. Anne's husband was a violent unbeliever--an atheist who was a university professor. Anne was a believer (I'm not sure how they got married; I think Anne was born again after they'd wed) and struggled with how to deal with her husband until she came across I Peter 3, which says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives..." Anne took this literally (one of the first people I'd come across who took the Bible's instructions at face value) and determined to submit to her unbelieving husband and just love him. So, for the yearS when he DIDN'T ALLOW HER TO GO TO CHURCH MEETINGS, she... didn't. She submitted herself to him and loved him. Then, when he'd allow her to go on Sundays but not the Wednesday night prayer meetings, she submitted herself and loved him. Allow me to pause and ask you how you think a husband would feel at that level of honor and respect. Anne didn't do what she did grudgingly, constantly holding over her husband's head, "Well, I wish I could HONOR GOD, but since my schlub husband won't LET me, I guess I'll just STAY HOME today..." Instead, Anne accepted her husband's words as if they came straight from God Himself, "Oh, well I'm not supposed to go to church meetings. So... I won't! I'll continue in my God-honoring friendships, and I'll continue my private relationship with Jesus--but I won't go to church meetings!" If you're not sure how Mr. Hawes felt about that, I'll fill you in: he felt like he was married to the very bride of Jesus. And he was. He felt that any joy or pleasure he denied his wonderful wife was borne out of meanness in his soul. So gracious was Anne that Mr. Hawes felt convicted of his own sin.

Guess what happened.

Yeah, he was born again. He died to his intellectual arrogance, and submitted himself to the rightful lordship of Jesus. Why? BECAUSE HE'D HAD THE EXAMPLE OF JOYFUL, LOVING SUBMISSION SLEEPING NEXT TO HIM ALL THOSE YEARS. Anne's pains at honoring her husband (this woman, and I'm not telling stories here, NEVER spoke ONE ILL WORD about her husband, in all those years of seeing her at church meetings with her children and without her husband.) had yielded the peaceable fruit of righteousness. Anne proved I Peter 3 to be truly God's words. [This story makes me want to take my shoes off. I wept again at its beauty as I rewrote it here.]

So ladies, here's what I have to say on this topic: spiritual authority in your home is not a contest. There's not a quiz, and whoever scores higher on Bible knowledge gets to lead. If you're nervous that maybe you're "overstepping your bounds" spiritually and are somehow going to accidentally overthrow your husband's spiritual authority in your house, let me put your minds at ease: ain't gonna happen. See, spiritual leadership isn't an arm-wrestling contest, where the strongest person wins. Spiritual leadership is mandated by God, and it belongs to your husband, regardless of what kind of husband he is, and regardless of what kind of wife you are. I Peter 3 is staggering because Peter actually goes out of his way to articulate the possibility that your husband may be an UNBELIEVER! And if he doesn't even believe, guess what you're to do. Yup, submit.

Submission is a sizable topic, but let me give you a quick idea of what this might look like. Your husband says "we're NOT giving money away to missionaries!" You think, "Oo, but I really think that to honor God we NEED to give our money away to these missionaries." So you say to your husband, "Well, you should know that I'm going to follow your lead (and NEVER speak against it!) whatever you decide, but I'm kind of sensing that we should give this money away." Your husband doesn't follow your lead. He says no. So you do what he says with a smile on your face, knowing the following: [I'm really about to bring it home so pay close attention here,,,]

Your responsibility is to submit to your husband. That's the domain over which you have authority. Your husband has authority over the whole house- that means, that's the area where he has RESPONSIBILITY. Responsibility means that, when God has a problem with the way your house is run, he doesn't come to you. He comes to your husband. The man will have to answer to God for the leadership of the home- not the woman. The exception to this is when you have usurped the role of spiritual leader in your house, and have taken responsibility for something over which you have no authority. In this case, you have perverted the LORD's order, and he'll not only deal with your husband, he'll come looking for YOU!

So wives, press in to know God as intimately as possible. Be delivered from all your diseases and strongholds. But never let the enemy trick you into thinking that spiritual maturity means you get spiritual authority. That belongs to your husband alone. You are his advisor, yes, and you should give him the benefits of what you spiritually discern- but the rule of the house is his, whether you think he's earned it or not. Spiritual authority is not earned, it's granted by God.

A Fear/Anxiety Video

This is a companion to Kelly Russell's lecture...

Mother's Blessing

My dear sweet baby girl,

My heart was overflowing from the first moment I saw you. You were born to be the redemption of everything I wasn’t able to receive from my own parents. As I held you in my arms I was amazed by the thought that God would give me someone to love as precious as you. I was overwhelmed by the desire to love you with everything in me, but I just didn’t know how.

You were a picture of beauty, a reflection of God’s perfection right down to your kissable little lips. At that moment I wanted to give you all of my heart, even the places that I had kept hidden from the world my whole life. The places I didn’t even know existed because they were taken from me before I knew they were there.

I love you daughter! I wanted so much to receive all that you had to give the world, but I was too consumed in my own pain and insecurities to embrace you.

I am sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed to be held, or when you just needed someone to listen. I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to learn you and the needs of your heart. I am sorry if I used you to meet my needs. I couldn’t give you what I didn’t have myself to give.

I am sorry if I ever made you feel you weren’t enough; not smart enough, thin enough, beautiful enough, popular enough, compliant enough, not perfect enough. You were always enough, I just needed someone to blame for by own unhappiness.
I am sorry if I ever made you feel you were too much; too loud, too crazy, too big, too emotional, too quiet, too imperfect. You were everything God made you to be and I loved all of it, I just didn’t know what to do with all of the freedom you had in facing the world, when I felt so trapped in the prison of mine.

Daughter, there are so many things that I want to say to you. So many things that I know you have waited to hear. I remember the moments when you would look at me with those eyes just waiting for me to search your heart and speak words of comfort and truth. I know now, that when you soon grew into a young lady and began to push me away, what you really wanted was for me to pull you closer. You were begging me to care enough to break in and rescue you from your own pain, but I stood silent, a spectator at you pain and loneliness because I was too afraid that I had nothing to give you. Afraid that I would mess up once again. I see now that all you wanted was me! You just wanted a mom who cared enough to fight for you, weaknesses and all. I am sorry I couldn’t give that to you.

What you need to hear my sweet one is that you are loved. You are chosen. You are perfectly imperfect. You were created to be everything that you are and I pray that your heavenly father shows you the fullness of who that was before the lies of this world showed you differently. You are a wonderful daughter. You are a cherished friend. You are beautiful through and through. You are everything I wanted in a daughter and more. Your life is precious to me.

I bless you daughter to be the mother that you are called to be through our Heavenly Father. I know he will lead you and teach you all that I wasn’t able to. Receive from Him, he knows your heart and gifts better than anyone. I bless you to be fruitful and multiply, physically and spiritually. I speak life into your innermost parts- that you would receive. Your body would physically receive all of the children that the Lord has for you and that your heart would receive all of the daughters that are your spiritual inheritance in His Kingdom. I bless you to know the hearts of your daughters. I bless you to be a freedom fighter for their hearts, breaking the lies that have been passed down generations before me. I bless you with wisdom to know the Lords heart and what He desires and the discernment to know His truth over the lies of the enemy. I speak restoration over you that you would be restored to the childlike freedom you had years ago. Live in the fullness of who you were then, today. The fullness of you is so beautiful and radiant! Live arms wide open, face to the sun, spinning in giddiness, just like when you were a little girl. I give that joy back to you now, it is yours to live in! You are received by me and into the body of Christ, child. You are the redemption of all that God has for His daughters, receive your inheritance in Him! I love you, yesterday, today and always!

A Father's Blessing

My daughter: I love you. You were a blessing to me before you were even born. God Himself chose you to be a girl, and I love that about you. Your femininity is perfect, and you were made to show the world a picture of the beauty of Jesus’ church. I adore you. You are beautiful. I have been watching you since the day you were born. I am your greatest fan and a dedicated student of you. I see who God made you to be, and it is wonderful. You are gifted. You are unique. You are talented. There is nobody like you!

I apologize, my daughter, for every time that I communicated anything less that this. For every time that I let you down, didn’t show up, or was silent when I should have spoken, I ask forgiveness. For every time when I made you feel sorry for who you are, I apologize. You deserve cheering from your father. You deserve all the counsel my years could produce. You deserve to have your hand held by a man who will protect you and lead you... And I have not always done that. Please understand, I was wounded, myself. I have been attacked, and I have made dark agreements with the enemy who has sought to destroy me, too. And I know I’ve passed some of those chains on to you through my actions as well as my inactivity. I did all I knew to do. Even when I was angry or short or condescending or stoic, I just did what I knew to do. That doesn’t make it all right, but I need you to understand me. Please forgive me for every way I have ever failed you—and I know that I have failed you.

I wish we could go back and you could crawl up into my lap and we could just talk about nothing while I play with your hair. I wish I could push you on a swing and buy you an ice cream cone. If you’ll receive it into your heart, I give you those things now. May God undo all the damage done by me; may He apply the salve of his grace on all those scars. And may you have the courage to forgive me and receive His love in all the places where my love lacked.

I give you my blessing, daughter. I bless you with the strength of womanhood. I bless you with the confidence that comes from knowing that you have a father who believes in you. I bless you with the radiance that comes from a pure heart that’s been washed by love. I bless you with joy that lets you laugh about the future. I bless you with a house full of peace, patience, and goodness. You are my daughter, and you are my delight.

I love you.

Rejection Homework

These questions are to consider this week and discuss in break out groups...

CONSIDER THIS WEEK
When have I felt abandoned by mom or dad? Spouse? God?

Whose opinion of me do I most value?

Where in my life do I not feel received/that I belong?

When was the last time someone tried to correct me? Was I able to receive it? How’d it go?

How do I define my success? What defines me? (Is it your job? Is it what your parents thought or think of you? Is it what your friends think of you? Is it how well you perform in the workplace? How much money you have? Is it what you think of yourself? Is it what your body looks like?) When you die, will those things continue to define who you are?

Why have I not fully received acceptance of me as God offers it?

Do I really believe I am God’s favorite one?

Rejection Lecture/Mary Senff

Mary did an excellent job tonight walking us through the LORD's words regarding the spirit of rejection, then walked us through a powerful time of receiving healing. Did it bring up any thoughts? Questions? Get talking!

Worship Night Scheduled!

ladies!

We've scheduled a worship and celebration night for Wednesday August 5, after our class ends! It'll be for us (and spouses) as well as the men's strongholds class (which my husband Steven is teaching concurrently with ours) and their spouses, and also for other people in our community who just want to get together and rejoice in God's goodness toward us.

We just don't have the time to worship together like we'd really like to do, so we thought we'd set aside a special night for it. Steven will be leading us in some worship, and is trying to get a band together- I expect the music to be really good!

This is just a heads-up so that people can start marking their calendars, arranging babysitting... all that good stuff!

Let's Talk About Love!

Krissy gave a rousing talk on Unloving tonight.

React!

Accusation Lecture

Dora brought the heat last night on accusation. So... got any questions, comments, revelations, problems, concerns?

Lord of the Rings fan comments are also welcome.

An Observation from Rachel

I've seen a common theme in two breakout groups I've been a part of now. Occult tricks people into thinking that "sure, it's on the occult list, but I don't mean it that way, so it's not harmful" or "I don't really think I have a problem with this stuff, I can control what I think when I see this stuff".

If you find yourself justifying your actions it's a good time to REPENT and leave that junk in the dirt where it belongs. NOTHING is worth letting this creep into your life. No book or movie or TV show is worth my freedom. Stop defending it, get rid of it and move on (really).

Occult Teaching

Sara Argenta and Erin McIntire shared with us tonight regarding the occult, or putting faith in something besides Jesus. Very eye-opening topic.

So, do you have questions about it? Comments? Were there particularly meaningful points you'd like to elaborate on? If so, we'd love to hear it...

Why We Bless

During the Bitterness week, it was shared that the process of forgiveness is to:

Repent (for you holding unforgiveness toward another)
Forgive
Release and
Bless

We shared that we want to bless so that we forgive the way the Lord forgives us - God just doesn't zero out our debt of sin, but rather fills up our account with blessings!

Another reason we bless is so that the next time when we remember the person who has offended us, we remember the blessing and not the offense.

So, keep on blessing! Your words of forgiveness and blessing are POWERFUL! Even though you may not FEEL it, things are being broken up and shaken in the spirit world.

-from Dora

Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation

Susan Levey told me about a blog from an author named Anne Jackson whose blog featured a great take on the subject. I think it's worth quoting in full. The original post is here.

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i never thought there was much difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. in my heart, it all kind of meant the same thing - letting go of pain that someone had inflicted on me. usually this involved some type of “making up” process involving apologies, sometimes tears, and a hug to make everything alright.

twelve years ago, somebody hurt me in a very painful, inexcusable way. for years, i didn’t allow myself to work through the pain as i needed to. then about a year ago, circumstances which were mostly out of my control took the wheel, and caused me to stare at this wound square in the face.

i’ve never doubted that i had forgiven this person. i feel fortunate that, for the most part, forgiveness comes easy to me. there are probably only two situations in my life that i know i still need to work on forgiving someone, but interestingly enough, this particular hurt isn’t one of them.

however, as i was processing through healing during this time, i began questioning if i really had forgiven him. sure, the scabs had been peeled off and the wounds were fresh - and it hurt…badly, all over again. something just wasn’t sitting right.

someone that was helping me through this sent me an email and said that what i was experiencing wasn’t me being bitter or holding on (which was what i was afraid of) but that i was desiring reconciliation. i wanted for this person to own up to his mistake and for everything, painful as it were, to be okay again…i wanted for the relationship to be harmonized.

later, i read this in a book:

Joseph was reconciled with his brothers when they came to Egypt in search of grain. By the time his brothers reached Egypt, he was able to stand before them and confront them because he had no inner feelings that would keep him from having a relationship of unity and peace with them. Forgiveness is unilateral. You can forgive even if [someone] never admits [their wrong doing], is never sorry, and never changes. But reconciliation requires both people’s commitment to recovery, honesty, repentance, forgiveness, and communication. Even then, reconciliation is a long and difficult process of breaking down barriers and building trust.

you may not ever be reconciled with a person that hurt you (or that you hurt). that part takes both people to work through. forgiveness is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for reconciliation.

however, forgiveness is a decision that you make, and continue to make, regardless of the other person’s choice. and through christ and grace and love, you can.

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Thanks for the recommendation, Susan! Great stuff!

Nancy's Bitterness Talk

Tonight, Nancy Wells shared with us about bitterness and forgiveness.  Does anyone have any questions or comments about the subject, or anything that came to mind for you during the lecture?  If so, tell us!

Questions about sin and the flesh

Here are 2 questions from the intro class:

1) If there is supposed to be no sin in heaven, then how could Lucifer have become prideful while still in heaven and rebelled?
2) The "sinful nature" is defined as our flesh, but isn't the soul part of our sinful nature, too, since we sin in our soul (will, mind and emotions)?

Intro Lecture! It's Started!

Hi ladies.

Tonight was great- it was good to see so many eager learners there and to get this series up and running.  We've put a lot of time and prayer into this series, and hope that this group gets as much out of it as past groups have.  

We covered a lot of ground tonight- body, soul and spirit; how evil spirits work; etc.  I just want a place for questions or comments from any of you.  Did the introduction clear up questions you've always had?  Are you feeling confused or overwhelmed?  Do you see things differently than we described tonight?

In any case, start talking.  Let's hear the chatter!